Sorry, My Love...

Salam...

 Dear love, although you don't have the fancy look nor come from a wealthy generation, i'm glad to have u as my partner. Nothing can ever replace our bond together for the moment.

I remember meeting you for the first time almost a year back. Meeting you is not an easy task, i have to settle a lot of things in order for you to be able to come into my life. It was a tough time for me, a new career woman stranded in an island with a totally different environment to adapt with. Choosing you as a partner took me a lot of thinking and planning, although at first i even thought of not choosing you. But as times goes on, i never regret the decision i made, because u are always there for me, through thicks and thins of life.

Sorry for hurting you throughout our relationship together. I know i'm not good enough to be ur partner, and i know most of the time, i am the one who brought u into trouble. Physically, seeing every inches of ur body every day made me feel sorry that u have met me. U must be jealous of how ur friends look like with their partner. I even noticed how people sometimes glances at us, in disbelief on what happened to u.

I know i'm not a perfect partner for you. But u are the best partner for me. U have always been strong for me, never let me down even for once. I'm sorry for hurting you just after few days we became partner. It hurts me a lot seeing you were injured so badly back then. I'm sorry for not being a capable woman who can take care of her partner. I'm sorry for letting you fall down into the drain not just once, but twice, in different occassions. I'm sorry for not being able to identify the culprit who injured you when i left you alone. It all happened so suddenly, with no intentions and warnings.

However, because of you, i've learnt a lot. Remember the day we break the rules together? And remember how the joy we feel when i can actually put you in a neat and proper place for you to rest and sleep at night.. Remember all the places we've been together all this while, being lost in new places together, and sometimes luckily discovered new interesting places.. Remember when i took you back to my families to meet with them.. I hope our relationship will last longer despite all the scratches and injury you have. I promise, one day i will make you feel brand new, after we leave this island, hopefully, to a better place where other people also took care of you, not just me. For the moment, let us continue be partner till i can i find my real life partner.

Thank you, my love!

Incomplete

Peace be upon you...

Another few months to finish this prp training.. However, i still find myself lacking in many ways.. Sometimes i feel burdened when most of the people say that hpp is a good training place for prp.. Maybe it is me who are not eager and keen enough to find and grab the knowledge.. Im not gonna give any excuses or blame it on others anymore.. Deep in my heart, i sincerely hope that my next posting will be somewhere in my hometown.. Although i met a lot of good friends here which i am grateful for, willing to stay with us for the never ending work, i still feel lonely. A huge part of it is because my family is not here with me. And sometimes i was left alone in weekend with no one to hang out with. So sad, right? Haha.. But i'm not saying that i want to marry soon, ok.. Hopefully i can survive this loneliness for another few months.

p/s: this post is written after i found out that i cannot go back home this merdeka since the bus tickets were all sold out... Flight ticket is too damn expensive since no direct flight available from penang-trg.. Still wondering whether i will spend the holiday alone at home or i will have solo travel around penang.. Huhu

Struggling. Adapting.

I know im already halfway to finish this prp training. Another 6 months and insyaAllah i`ll be free from this hectic prp life.. It`s an unexplainable feeling that i have now going through all this.. Being alone in a strange place without my family has never been an issue for me before this since i was in high school but now, it`s totally different.. Different environment and different responsibilities. Honestly im missing home sooo much and seeing others went back home on weekend and even those who r lucky to stay with their families, it really makes me feel jealous. How i wish i can work in trg besides my family. But Allah has a better plan for me here. I have to keep believing and moving on until i get to the finish line..

P/s: finding the right time to go back home, even just on weekend is reaaally hard. Lots of things to settle, lots of duty to be done. May Allah ease me and put my heart at peace during this struggle.. Amen..

2014 Wishlist

1. Getting my own car from scratch. That means all the down payment and monthly payment will be done by myself. (Already booked Myvi 1.3 S-Series but still waiting for the loan to be approved before I can receive the car. Oh, and of course it will have Penang plate and it will be a reminisence of how I start my career life in Penang.)
2. Explore Penang to the max! Alang2 ddk Penang, of course la kena jalan2.. As people said, Penang is the heaven of food, so I want to try most of the famous Penang food here. Places I especially wanted to go to:

Penang Street Art

Escape AdventurePlay

Bukit Bendera

Batu Feringghi

and of course, the shopping malls! hehe..

3.   Finish my PRP at Hosp Pulau Pinang and continue my career somewhere else, preferably in my hometown. Amin...

4. Kawen? Nah, haven't found my soulmates yet.

5. Gather lotss of money to travel to a different country. The choices are:

Kyoto, Japan

London

New Zealand

So now, who wants to be my travel partner?

PRP di HPP (Hosp Paling Pening)

Salam guys!

Currently I've started working as PRP (Provisional Registered Pharmacist) for a month at Hospital Pulau Pinang. FYI, HPP adalah antara hospital paling tua di Malaysia dan juga hosp kedua terbesar selepas HKL. Even KPF pn ckp kat kitorg on the 1st day, "Welcome to Hosp Paling Pening!". So, agak2 bley bayangkan la kan workload kitorg camne.. Huhu.. Oh, and there's no handphone coverage throughout some parts of the hosp, including the Pharmacy Dept so any messages and call cannot be reached during office hour.. Haha.. 

Overall, PRP yang ditempatkan kt HPP termasuk aku ade 18 org, xtermasuk bdk2 IMU yg msk awal sebulan and I guess there's more to come next month. Alhamdulillah, kami berlima dari UIA sume dapat HPP so in term of cari housemate dan rumah sewa, dpt diselesaikan dgn kadar yg agak segera.. 

So, the 1st month in HPP, kami 18 org ditempatkan sekaligus di Outpatient Dept. Sile bygkan lorong kecil yg dipenuhi dgn rak2 ubat disempitkan lagi dgn kehadiran kami.. Mule2 mmg kena marah teruk gak la, sbb menyesakkan ruang, dahla byk salah mase filling and labeling ubat.. But as times goes by, kami jadi semakin fasih la tp kdg2 still buat salah... Hmm, human do make mistakes right? 

Being the first time staying in Penang, it's a new experience to me. Here, u can totally feel the environment of "1 Malaysia". There's indians and chinese everywhere. And I could even say, it does look like Malay is the minority here. I never have Indians and chinese friends, so I guess this is the right time for me to make friends with them. But, sometimes we feel left out and feel a bit insecure as when they talked among them in their languages mentioning about PRPs and sometimes they discuss things in chinese with the chinese PRPs. So, it kinda quiet unfair for us, actually. However, they're nice people and they're always willing to help us whenever we asked them. So, I'm grateful to have been placed here and hopefully, I can learn many things here and bring it together with me as FRP in new hospital next year, hopefully in Terengganu.. :)

p/s: Tetiba rase homesick and jeles bila tgk orang dekat2 bley balik rumah time weekend.. Huhu.. Nak balik jugak tp since gaji xmsk lg and there's no direct flight to KT, kena plan and survey harga tiket btol2 sebelum balik.. Nak mtk cuti mcm susah je nk dpt.. huhu

Bye Bye PLKN, Welcome Career Life! (Part 2)

Alhamdulillah, finally I've ended the 11 weeks of 'training from hell'. As I've mentioned before, in this post, I'll share my experience and feeling as 'pelatih penangguhan'. Being among the eldest, jurulatih2 akan menaruh harapan yang agak tinggi kepada kami untuk membimbing adik-adik belasan tahun ni. That's why, most of the trainers kenal name2 budak2 penangguhan ni. Sampaikan kat sane aku digelar U41, UIA, ahli farmasi and even dapat gelaran 'doktor' by those trainers yang xtau name aku tp selalu borak2 ngn aku. And honestly, aku agak rapat dengan cikgu2 kat sana sebab aku lagi suke bersembang dgn dyorg compared to adik-adik. Alhamdulillah, I gained their trust and aku selalu diminta untuk tolong handle and prepare apa-apa yang melibatkan company atau event. Tapi, one thing, sbb ramai cikgu yang kenal, so i can't afford to make any mistake/disciplinary problem bcoz they'll lose respect to me. And that's what I hold on to till the end of the training. I even cried mase jumpe cikgu2 before balik tp xrase sdey pn bile nk tinggalkan adik-adik and member2 lain. Hehe.

with Cg Cay (the one in black) who always call me Dr. the other one is the Tuan Komandan Kem

Being among the university graduates, people will put high expectations compared to the rest of the trainees. There are two types of people who I've met, ade yang akan menyerahkan segala2 kerja kat kita dengan alasan "kitorg xpandai, xabis sekolah, kite x masuk u" while dyorg akan bergoyang kaki, bersandar di dinding sementara org lain siapkan tugasan yang diberi, dan ade sebahagian lagi yang langsung xhormat walaupun kite lagi tua. Aku pernah kena tengking ngan seorang mamat ni semata2 sbb aku bagi satu cadangan yang lain dari dye. Since then, memang aku totally lose respect to him wpon dye antara orang yang memegang pangkat dalam company.

Secara overall, I can say the experience in PLKN is an eye-opener for me especially on the harsh reality of the majority of the Muslim teenagers out there and it has taught me a lot to be more mature in handling these kids. FYI, based on the kaji selidik that has been done by Ustaz to all of the Muslim trainees, almost half of them dunno how to recite shahadah and basic things in solah such as al-Fatihah and tahiyyat akhir. It's a really sad situation and it reflects on how bad the society is and the problem is getting worse. Even some of the trainers did complaints to me that this group is the worst group they've ever met since they started working in the camp. Some of them are willing to learn more on Islam, but some doesn't even care.

More saddening for me is when the surau which is supposed to be 'a place to find peace and a place between us and Him' has somehow become the place to usha2 awek, ngorat celah tingkap, main2 mata and there are few who only sit at the back watching while others are praying. Sometimes, they even disturb others who are praying.

Honestly for me, PLKN doesn't actually achieves it objectives because I think most of them went out of PLKN with no improvements whatsoever in their attitude and knowledge because of their mentality. I don't want to put the blame on the government or the management of the camp, but it's more towards the attitude of the trainee itself. I don't mean to generalize because this is only based on my experience being in Kumpulan 3. Perhaps trainees in Kumpulan 1 & 2 are much better as mentioned by the trainers.

We won 1st place in marching competition!

Ahli dorm I2 yang kepoh~

We are the 'akak' in the dorm

Enough with all the PLKN stories. On a side note, I've finally received the offer to be the PRP at Penang. And here I am, in Penang, currently writing this post while waiting for tomorrow which will be the first day to report duty at JKN Penang. So, wish me all the best and may Allah ease. InsyaAllah.

P.L.K.N.at age 23 (Part 1)

Assalamualaikum and Salam 1 Malaysia!

For those who were curious as to where I have been and what I've been doing for the past 2 months, here let me tell you my story. As I mentioned before in my previous post, I was called to undergo compulsary training at Kem PLKN Merang Suria, Setiu. Reluctantly, I went there sebagai pelatih penangguhan. FYI, semua pelatih2 penangguhan akan dimasukkan dalam Kumpulan 3 untuk setiap siri. As for me, I am in Kumpulan 3, Siri 10 2013.

In this post, I'm basically gonna tell you what are the activities and routine that I have gone through for the past 2 months and the upcoming two weeks and in another post, I'll write on my personal experience, feeling and how do I cope on being 'pelatih penangguhan'. Mind you, when u are known as 'pelatih penangguhan' and furthermore a university graduate, that means a lot to them. I'll tell you on that matter later on my next post which I expect to write after I finished the PLKN training.

Ok, basically this is how our daily schedule at the camp:

5.30 am: wake up and prepare for subuh
6.30 am: roll call & physical training
7.30 am: breakfast
8.30 am: class
10.30 am: break time
11.00 am: continue the class
12.30 pm: lunch
1.00 pm: Zuhur prayer
2.30 pm: Modul Fizikal (Kawad, Tali Rendah, Tempur Tanpa Senjata, Tali Tinggi, Kembara Halangan,etc)
4.00 pm: Asar Prayer
5.00 pm: Tea time
5.30 pm: Riadah
6.30 pm: Dinner
7.00 pm: Magrib and Isyak
9.00 pm: aktiviti depends atas Ustaz/Komandan
10.30 pm: supper
11.00 pm: roll call
11.30 pm: lights off

• Masa first week mula2 masuk, pemilihan Ketua-ketua Kompeni and Ketua Dorm. Aku masuk Kompeni Bravo, and ditakdirkan jurulatih yang incharge kompeni aku, Cikgu Ika, sangat mendahulukan pelatih2 penangguhan and kami-kami yang berumur 20-an ke atas ni dipanggil untuk test suara bagi arahan kawad.. Bley imagine x suara aku bagi arahan kawad camne? hehe.. Sah2 la xlepas.. Bak kata cikgu "Rumput pun xmau bangun dgr suara awak!" Nasib baik gile masa 2.. Pastu tetiba Cikgu Ika suruh lantik ketua dorm baru sbb dye nak budak penangguhan gak yang jadi ketua. So, undian dijalankan antara 3 calon, and aku dgn paksa rela nya kena jadi ketua dorm. FYI, dlm dorm, aku ade 17 orang 'anak' untuk dijaga.
• Sebagai ketua dorm, aku kena laporkan ke WIra Komandan bilangan ahli dorm cukup ke x setiap kali aktiviti, dan aku kena ambik tau semua hal pasal ahli dorm. Nama penuh, kesihatan, siapa yang period hari ni, and paling penting kebersihan dorm. Apa-apa jadi kat ahli dorm and kalau jurulatih cek dorm aku kotor, akulah yang kena bertanggungjawab.
• Prinsip kat sini, "All for one, One for All". Maksudnye, kalau sorang jek buat salah, semua orang akan kena sekali xkira ko ni budak baik, seskema mane pon ko.. Macam baru2 ni, semua wirawati xdapat handset hari Jumaat sebab ade kes gaduh antara wirawati. So, nak xnak, aku kena make sure ahli dorm aku xbuat hal so that at least dorm kami x menyumbang kepada masalah.
• Untuk kelas, dipecahkan kepada Modul Pembinaan Karakter, Pendidikan Seksual (ade nama khas dye tp xingat) dan Modul Kenegaraan. Untuk setiap kelas, kami akan duduk dalam kumpulan yang telah ditetapkan dan buatlah aktiviti2 yang cikgu suruh. Honestly, Modul Pembinaan Karakter quite membosankan sebab kadang2 kite dilayan macam budak kecik dan aktiviti dye xsesuai dgn jiwa aku. Modul Kenegaraan bagi aku agak menarik sbb kite xpernah diajar dalam kelas aspek2 yang penting dalam pembangunan negara, politik, kekuatan dan kelemahan negara. Benda2 macam ni biasa kita kutip kat surat khabar and internet je, so banyak gak la benda baru yang aku blajar. Tp xdpt dinafikan, pembelajaran tu agak berat sebelah sebab bile belajar pasal kerajaan, of course la dye akan cakap pasal BN. It's up to you la whether nak terima bulat2 ape yg cikgu cakap dlm kelas.
• Untuk kembara halangan, antara elemen yang wirawati selalu kecundang ialah Monkey Rack and Tarzan Swing. Masa pertandingan, alhamdulillah aku lepas kedua2 halangan yang paling susah tu. Out of 15 orang wirawati Bravo yang masuk pertandingan, aku antara 6 orang yang xdikenakan penalti. Overall result, kami dapat no 2 antara 4 kompeni.

monkey rack= macam permainan kat taman permainan 2.. pic kred to google, kem aku xde air kat bawah 2, ade pasir jek

tarzan swing. yang ni ade air kat bawah.

• Ada satu aktiviti yang dipanggil Navigasi, di mana kami kena bawak masuk kawasan belukar (bayangkan hutan yg x tebal) dan dibekalkan dgn 2 kompas, peta dan bearing checkpoint yang bakal kami tuju. So, berjalanlah kami meredah kawasan belukar dan paya hanya berbekalkan kompas sambil galas beg galas berisi ponco (khemah), dan peralatan lain which agak berat. Alhamdulillah, kitorg selamat sampai and aku berjaya galas beg aku sendiri sepanjang perjalanan. (Sbb beg tu berat, ade wirawati suruh wira bawakkan beg dyorg bile dyorg penat)
• Oh, again with Cikgu Ika. As I mentioned before, dye sangat suka panggil budak penangguhan. So, untuk hari sambutan 1 Malaysia, cikgu panggil semua wirawati penangguhan untuk audition jadi MC. Again, aku kena pilih jadi MC malam tu. First time jadi MC yang gune teks bahasa melayu sepenuhnya, siap berpantun2 lagi.. Abis je program, ade sorang budak dorm cakap "Suara Kak Ani macam kartun.." =_=' xtaula aku nak sedih ke nak gelak.. huhu
• Komandan kem kitorg sgt unpredictable dan cerewet, tetiba jek dye bley suruh mana2 kompeni buat persembahan dalam tempoh beberapa hari. Ikut la nak buat persembahan ape, and kalau dye bley cari kesalahan dalam persembahan yang dah dibuat contohnya kostum x sesuai, salah sebut nama dye, xde kerjasama etc, nampak gayanye kne buat lagi persembahan lain dalam minggu yang lain. Ada satu hari, tetiba waktu petang ade announcement yang malam ni Komandan akan buat Pertandingan Kuiz antara Kompeni and setiap Kompeni kena antar 3 calon. So, kami budak2 Uni la yang kena jadi mangsa nye. Aku, Mira (engineering UTP) and Zuff (sains aktuari USIM) kena jadi wakil. Kitorg expect dye nak tanya soalan pasal matematik, sains, english, pengetahuan am etc, tapi tetiba dye tanye soalan berkaitan PLKN and mende2 yang belajar dalam kelas. Sumpah lawak sebab aku mmg selalu xfokus dlm kelas and Zuff plak slalu tido, so sebenarnye budak2 ni dah pilih orang yang salah utk kuiz tu.. Nasib baikla Mira ingat mende2 yang belajar 2.. Kalau dapat nombor last, kompeni tu kena kawad 1/2 jam lepas kuiz 2, so kitorg berusaha gak la untuk tidak menjadi last. Alhamdulillah, kitorg dapat nombor 2 (seri dgn no 3). Tapi yang hampehnyer, walaupon kitorg xkena kawad, tp kompeni2 lain yang xkena denda ni kena jugak berdiri kat padang kawad 2 menyaksikan kompeni yg kena denda tu berkawad.. Xke sama je menang ke xmenang.. 
• Selain jadi ketua dorm, aku pon pegang jawatan sbg AJK Surau. Title UIA tu membuatkan aku rase terpanggil untuk join AJK Surau. Ustaz serahkan kat kitorg untuk organize program Muhasabah diri and aku plak kena lantik jadi Penolong Pengarah. Aku xpernah handle program macam ni so cuti ni aku kena cari resource kat internet and just hope that everything will be done smoothly malam tu nanti. InsyaAllah.
• Lps raya haji ni, I'll have another 2 weeks to go before the training ends on 1 November. Dlm dua minggu terakhir ni, bley dikatakan sume aktiviti dye best2.. Flying fox, menembak, water confidence, Wira Jaya, Khidmat Komuniti. More intense outdoor activities, and that means more darker skin! huh..

Honestly, I was still hoping for panggilan lapor diri before tamat latihan, even seminggu before majlis penutup pun.......... I dunno why, but I still can't accept the mentality and behavior of other trainees there.. But well, life must go on.. Another 2 weeks to go! Fighting!