Unattached

Salam...

Well, it's school holiday! So guess what, u can expect a loooot of wedding photos popping out every single time on ur facebook page.. Friends from all stages of life, sekolah rendah, menengah, mrsm, cenfos and uia, all are getting married. So, as usual, I will analyze most of the wedding photos, stalking who is the wife/husband of the pengantin, complimenting on the dress and pelamin, and envying the gathering of other friends whom I haven't met for a long time. And one thing that kept me thinking when I'm looking at the photos is not "when will I get to be the bride on the wedding photo" but rather, who'll come to my wedding.

Have I been a good friend to everyone? Will they be excited to come to my wedding? Honestly, I do have a lot of good friends, close friends, friends whom I can hang out with, gossiping together, watching movies together, playing together, but are they considered as BFF? I'm not the person who'll keep in touch with everyone once I left the school or college. And even, sometimes I'm the cruel friend who didn't reply back when someone trying to keep in touch with me. But not all the time, only when the time I received the text might not be right and I'm not in the mood. Well, I guess that's my fault then. Sometimes, I do feel left out when everyone is gathering somewhere else and I wasn't invited or I was there but no one is paying attention on me. And there's also times when I feel awkward after meeting the friends after a long time.

On the other side, I am grateful for the friends that I've met till now. They have been an inspiration, people that I look up to, friends through ups and downs and most importantly, friends that accept me as who I am. Although we never say we're BFFs or something like that, it's awesome having all of you as my close friends. Sorry if sometimes I didn't act as a good friend. Thank you, chingu! Let's be friends till jannah!

Sorry, My Love...

Salam...

 Dear love, although you don't have the fancy look nor come from a wealthy generation, i'm glad to have u as my partner. Nothing can ever replace our bond together for the moment.

I remember meeting you for the first time almost a year back. Meeting you is not an easy task, i have to settle a lot of things in order for you to be able to come into my life. It was a tough time for me, a new career woman stranded in an island with a totally different environment to adapt with. Choosing you as a partner took me a lot of thinking and planning, although at first i even thought of not choosing you. But as times goes on, i never regret the decision i made, because u are always there for me, through thicks and thins of life.

Sorry for hurting you throughout our relationship together. I know i'm not good enough to be ur partner, and i know most of the time, i am the one who brought u into trouble. Physically, seeing every inches of ur body every day made me feel sorry that u have met me. U must be jealous of how ur friends look like with their partner. I even noticed how people sometimes glances at us, in disbelief on what happened to u.

I know i'm not a perfect partner for you. But u are the best partner for me. U have always been strong for me, never let me down even for once. I'm sorry for hurting you just after few days we became partner. It hurts me a lot seeing you were injured so badly back then. I'm sorry for not being a capable woman who can take care of her partner. I'm sorry for letting you fall down into the drain not just once, but twice, in different occassions. I'm sorry for not being able to identify the culprit who injured you when i left you alone. It all happened so suddenly, with no intentions and warnings.

However, because of you, i've learnt a lot. Remember the day we break the rules together? And remember how the joy we feel when i can actually put you in a neat and proper place for you to rest and sleep at night.. Remember all the places we've been together all this while, being lost in new places together, and sometimes luckily discovered new interesting places.. Remember when i took you back to my families to meet with them.. I hope our relationship will last longer despite all the scratches and injury you have. I promise, one day i will make you feel brand new, after we leave this island, hopefully, to a better place where other people also took care of you, not just me. For the moment, let us continue be partner till i can i find my real life partner.

Thank you, my love!

Don't You Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 

When care is pressing down a bit, 

Rest if you must -  but don't you quit.

Life is a queer with its twists and turns,

As sooner or later everyone learns,

And many a failure turns about, 

When he might have won had he stuck it out,

Don't give up when the pace seems slow-

You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer

Than it seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, 

How close he was to the Golden crown.

Success is failure turn inside out - 

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt - 

And you can never tell how close you are,

It may be near and it might be far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - 

It's when things seem worse that you musn't quit.

This is a poem I've encountered when I read a motivational book when I was in high school. I can't remember the exact title of the book, but I really love this poem I decided to write it down on a piece of paper and pasted it on my board during my matriculation years. Now, after 4 years of studying in Kuantan and while digging into my 'treasure boxes' under the bed, i finally discovered this poem again. I wondered why I only found the paper till now, when I only have around 1 month to graduate.. Haha.. Never mind, I can always read it when I'm down and that's why I decided to write it here on the blog. 

p/s: FYI, most of my coursemates are having trips to USM and UPM. Since I didn't take both of the elective subjects, I was left out here in Kuantan for two days (3 days to be exact, since I only have VIVA on thursday and my CBL is cancelled) and our plan to Genting has also been cancelled, so here I am, doing nothing in the room except for digging into old stuff and getting ready to clear the room.. Sad, huh?

Jumaat yg menguji kesabaran..

Assalamualaikum~

Arini, ari jumaat, 5/10/2012.. Today was the day that have tested my emotion and patience up to a certain limit.. I don't want to talk about it too much, afraid it will ignite the anger again in my heart. Sometimes rase stress bile bekerja ngn org, mereka xhargai kite mcm mane kite hargai mereka.. I know I'm not perfect, but at least I've tried to do my best and most importantly, x menyusahkan org esp bile dah last2 minit.. Imagine, u have to put something on hold juz bcoz of someone.. Everytime aku nk buat kerja (especially kerja yg melibatkan org lain), I always remind myself:

Bila kite mudahkan kerja org, insyaAllah Allah akan mudahkan kerja kita

Even dlm hadis Rasulullah pernah ckp;

“Barang siapa melepaskan seorang mukmin dari kesusahan hidup di dunia, niscaya Allah akan melepaskan darinya kesusahan di hari kiamat, barang siapa memudahkan urusan (mukmin) yang sulit nescaya Allah akan memudahkan urusannya di dunia dan akhirat. Barang siapa menutup aib seorang muslim, maka Allah akan menutup aibnya di dunia dan akhirat. Allah akan menolong seorang hamba, selama hamba itu sentiasa menolong saudaranya.” – Imam Muslim

So, a gentle reminder for myself n kawan2 yg bakal berkerja bersama2, xkire anda ni golongan pandai ke, golongan biase2 jek mcm saye ni ke, or ape2 golongan sekali pon, u have ur own role, play ur role as best as u can, without u, the team won't be complete.. analogi dlm kehidupan kite as student pharmacy, without ur part utk any report, the report won't be complete, thus causing u and ur teammates to suffer for ur faults..

Let's complement each other.. =D

It's Suffocating

i'm suffocating..

tired..

my body say: "Why do I have to do all this? Don't u feel tired?"

my mind say: "Oh! Please give me a break!"

but my heart say: "Just go on.. Do what u are supposed to do.. It's your responsibility to do all this.. Just do it and try to have fun with it.."

And of course, body and mind have to follow what the heart says..

and this is where I am now, doing all the job I have to do;

quizzes, just say when and how many topics, I'll bear with it..

society works, just say what u need and I'll prepare it..

coz that's what I do best..

juggling between works and study have never been easy..

Bear with it! :)

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (al-Baqarah: 216)

p/s: sometimes I feel bad coz I can't really say what I want and I can't show what I feel.. oh, can somebody help me how to be strict and nice and make others listen at you at the same time?

Monday Blues

urgh!!!!! dunno why tapi tetiba aku rase xde mood mlm ni.. huhu.. last few days aku rase penat sgt angkut2 brg, ulang alik sports complex-grand hall-mahallah-kop.. alhamdulillah, arini dpt qadha' tido and rehat puas2..

tapi, tetiba jek ptg tadi aku rase cam xde mood.. kurang dopamine and serotonin kot.. last2 call umah nk dgr suare those two beautiful boys:

alih2, bdk ni baru bgn tido n tengah tgk kartun.. of coz la xnk layan aku.. huhu.. seyesly.. tetiba rase nk balik umah main ngn dyorg.. huhu..

fortunately, minggu ni ade 1 jek kuiz (ari jumaat, kire lambat lg la.. hehe..) and ade sehari cuti.. tp, klas agak full gak la.. and this weekend kena jage booth ipha sempena i-Fest kat Megamall.. seems like xley rehat lg lah weekend ni.. tp nk wat cmne, nak merungut pon xley, 2 dah amanah and tanggungjwb Allah bg.. InsyaAllah, klu kite permudahkan urusan org lain, Allah akan permudahkan urusan kite.. kla, nk susun nota utk quiz and bace buku yg beli kat bookfair ri2 utk naikkan mood blk.. oh and btw, pesanan ikhlas utk sesape yg selalu moody, klu tgh2 moody 2, jgn lah lepaskan ke'moody'an anda kat org lain yek, xpsl2 org tu tgh epy tetiba jd down sbb xpsl2 kna marah.. :)

till then,bye!

Happy or Sad Ending??

alhamdulillah, while writing this entry, i'm currently on my cozy bed in a small room in a small wooden house with my sister sleeping on my side.. hehe.. that means, I'm at home!! after all the tense and the last-minute studying for the final exam, skrg da bley bersuka ria n bermalas2an kt umah.. but it won't be long.. ari selasa ni da kna start 2wks attachment kt the best pharmacy ever in kt, Pharmacy Lim.. nasib baik sekejap jek sehari.. better than wasting my time kt umah doing mende2 lagha.. hehe..so, xnk ckp pnjg2 psl exam ri2.. I've done my best, so now leave the rest to Allah.. cume bley berharap lecturer2 yg semak kertas 2 lembut hati, dpt bg markah kesian sbb jwpn ntah pape.. huhu..

berakhirnye final exam utk sem ni, that means the end of our journey as a sem 1 3rd yr student.. fuh.. pejam celik pejam celik dah 3 thn msk pharmacy ni.. mcm br smlm jek rase g kuantan, angkat tgn bg nama nk tukar pharmacy.. haha.. n baru merasa msk thn baru wpon arini da 15 hb januari.. hehe.. a new year has come.. 2012.. I'm 22 this year.. can't wait to see what stores for me this year.. more hardships n stress, maybe?

looking back at the past, honestly aku rase, in 2011, I've learnt so many things and experiences that I've never gained before.. let's see...

1. I've traveled quite a lot last year.. especially during the 5 months holiday.. xde la byk sgt pon, n bukannye g jauh2 oversea pon.. lg2 bile ade minah 2org 2 tumpang umah aku for almost 2 weeks, ape lg.. g meronggeng la.. seriously, thanx 2 them jugakla aku bley g jln2 wpon area dekat2 jek.. nk ajak family aku, dyorg bukannye kaki jln.. so, kitorg smpt la pg taman tamadun islam (yg ni aku da boring pergi), pulau kapas (1st time snorkeling! n plg best, snorkeling pki seluar jeans.. duh!) n guided tour kt masjid kristal.. special kot.. pas2 travel ngn family.. since family aku bukannye kaki jln, kitorg mmg xbyk g bercuti.. klu plan nk g mane2, mesti dah half-way planning, cancel.. haih.. mmg hancur luluh la hati aku setiap kali jd cm2.. tp mase cuti ri2, kitorg secara xtersengaja pergi jln2.. mule2, g bukit tinggi.. 2 pon tetiba je nk singgah sbb kitorg dr bentong.. pas2, g melaka.. ni pon sbb akak aku tetiba dpt call kna g iview kt kolej risda, so aku n parents aku ikut, n kitorg stay kt a famosa resort.. so, smpt la aku n akak aku main air kt a famosa water world 2.. hehe.. seriously best.. n lastly, g srwk.. ni pon secara last minute kitorg g booking tket flight.. tp xbest sgt, sbb kitorg ddk kt umah abg aku jek.. xde jln2 pon.. setakat beli brg kt sibu jek.. tp okla drpd xg langsung..

~me n my sister b4 basah lencun main air~

~with my beloved boyfriend kat Bukit Tinggi~

~kami bertiga kat Pulau Kapas~

2. 3rd year pharmacy student - Clinical Pharmacy! subjek ni memerlukan kitorg pergi ke hosp, jupe patients and interpret their lab test.. mule2, pening2 n cuak gak la nk jupe patients.. pas2 lme2 ok jek.. tp part yg xbest is the report n the presentation.. standard la bdk pharmacy, report merata2.. fuh.. pjg cite sbnrnye klu nk ckp psl CP ni, dr kes groupnye, lecturernye, presentationnye, quiznyer.. mmg xkan abes.. tp secara konklusinye, aku dah start nmpk role of pmcist ni nnti kt hosp n the challenge that will awaits us bile da grad nnti.. syukur sgt2 sbb aku dpt group members yg komited, cooperate and supportive.. langsung xde masalah.. :) n not to forget, 1st tyme OSCE, counsel patient on asthma n chemo.. haha.. makcik "Kelly", xkan ku lupekan wajah mu yg blur yg menyebabkan aku ckp melayu.. hehe..

3. Jadi class rep utk Sem 1/Year 2 and also Quiz Coordinator for 3rd National Pharmacy Quiz 2011.. due2 tanggungjwb ni agak berat sbnrnye.. both memerlukan aku communicate with the lecturers and not to forget, communicating with other people especially the coursemates.. it's

hard to fulfill other people's expectations, but I've tried my best.. pernah la ju

gak kdg2 terganggu emosi n tertumpah air mate mase galas tanggungjwb ni, tp it doesn't matter coz that's what makes me stronger.. sometimes, aku terfikir, lykke aku pgg jwtn ni, sbb honestly I have to admit, there are times when I can't work well under pressure.. thanx to my colleagues for giving me supports especially during that time.. I'll try to improve myself next time..

2 je kot mende2 yg plg significant bg aku for 2011.. byk jer mende2 kecik lain yg happened.. but i won't write bout it.. and as usual, bile dtg thn baru, mesti org ckp psl azam baru.. aku? juz want to be a better person from day to day.. jadi mcm mereka2 aku yg aku kagumi n buang karat2 jahiliah dlm diri ni.. generally 2011 brings a happy ending to my life, tp i'm not sure bout the exam part.. is it going to have a happy ending too? i really2 hope so.. how i wish life can be easy as the fairy tale, where they will live happily ever after.. but is it going to happen in reality? only Allah knows..

Life is an Exam..

Alhamdulillah.. da settle 2 papers for today.. Kurang la ckit beban but still have more to go.. Akan ku tabahkan diri menghadap notes yg sampai 2 fail pon xmmpu nk memuatkan semuanyer.. All the best for me and Rx8!

ok, mase musim exam ni, we kept thinking and preparing ourselves for this 'ujian' which is the final exam.. so, usrah n tazkirah mase iftar sis Rx8 dulu pon berkaitan dgn ujian.. actually kite mmg xleh lari dr ujian kt dunia ni.. sakit, malas, lapar, ngantuk, xde duit, sume 2 ujian utk kite.. yg menarik mase usrah ari2 is that we were asked to share each of our greatest problem that we have faced sepanjang idup kt dunia ni.. so, I kept thinking hard n recalling all the memories of life I ever had.. tp x trjumpa lg any ujian yg boley dikategorikan as getir.. so, I juz tell one of my problem that amongst all the prob I had, I considered it as the biggest one.. then, each of us tell their own stories.. ade yg quite shocking n sdey.. so at that moment, I thought, prob dyorg lg besar dr prob aku.. tp aku, stakat prob yg ni je pon aku bley nangis tiap2 ari.. hmm.. how lucky I was to be in this position.. but how lucky they are to experence all those things which eventually makes them stronger..

the problem we faced itself does not matter, what matters most is how to deal with it.. so, as a Muslim, we have to face all the problems by kebergantungan pade Allah.. always think that among all the people in the earth, Allah has chosen ME to experience this problem.. why is that?? simply bcoz Allah knows that u can handle it!

Dalam Surah al-Insyirah (which is my favorite surah):

"Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan dadamu (Muhammad)?. Dan Kami pun telah menurunkan beban darimu. Yang memberatkan punggungmu, Dan Kami tinggikan sebutan namamu bagimu. Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan. Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ade kemudahan. Maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari sesuatu urusan), tetaplah bekerja keras (untuk urusan yang lain), dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap."

so, whatever problem that u face, no matter how hard the exam questions are, remember! There is always a solution for every problem.. Allah xkan membebankan sesuatu kaum melainkan dalam kemampuannya.. yg plg penting, tawakallah pd Allah sebagaimana tawakal Nabi Ibrahim masa dicampakkan ke dlm api yg marak.. InsyaAllah, all is well.. :D

p/s: mentang2 ade 3 hari gap between nexr papers, perasaan malas membuak2 dlm diri.. huhu.. notes da sedia tersusun kt sblh, tunggu tgn n minda yg bersedia jek untuk grab mende ni.. GAMBATTE!